My friends, we have some exciting news to share with you! Our miracle baby, our BABY BOY is expected to join this world in May 2017. I still get butterflies every time I think about it, say it and now typing it. I apologize I have been so MIA, but let me catch you up on the last few months.....

Sick. All day nausea. And vomiting (sorry, I know that is disgusting, but I'm just keeping it real) I am now 13 weeks and that "light switch" that everyone told me about at 12 weeks really is (sort of) real! I have had the crud on top of pregnancy related illnesses and so it has still been sort of rough the last 2 weeks. Let me tell you, having the crud and not being able to take anything for symptom management is the pits! I hold onto coughs forrrreevvvvver as it is, and now, I'm not sure this cough is EVER going to go away! I know my dear husband sure is ready for it to though :) Since being pregnant, I can only think of one time we have gone to a restaurant, a week ago Friday, and I threw up there. Before my meal even got to the table! I haven't cooked nor have I allowed cooking in the house for months now. My husband, he's a trooper, that one!

 My girlie Maybelline has been a trooper as well. Right by my side, even when she doesn't know what in the heck is happening to me and why I am making horrible noises

                                                 

I don't want to make it sound like the first few months have been awful. I mean, they haven't been a walk in the park, but I also know it could have been a lot worse. This next little bit of info is for my girls going through the IVF process and a little warning to you so you don't have the same terrified feeling that I did. With IVF, you can spot.... A LOT. AND FOR A LONG TIME. The day I went back to work after my transfer, I woke up to spotting. YOU MUST BE KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!!!! I thought to myself. My mind instantly started flooding itself with all kinds of thoughts... "why is this happening, especially the day I am supposed to go back to work" "can we not just catch a break" "remain calm, maybe it's implantation bleeding" and there was more too. But you get the gist. I called my nurse and I emailed her. I needed to talk to someone ASAP. She emailed me back with reassurance that I was right on time with the spotting and where we were in the process. You see, I didn't know that on the day of my transfer because my usual nurse, Lori wasn't working that day. Nobody told me this stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!! I still talked to her probably 3 more times that day between email and phone calls just to make sure that she really thought everything was okay. That evening, Dr. Y emailed me and told me I could take a pregnancy test (this was 2 days before I was to go in for my hcg bloodwork for confirmation) and so I did. AND IT WAS POSITIVE!!! 

We have been lucky to get to see our little guy fairly often. I have had a lot of ultrasounds and we even got to hear the sweetest little heart beat with the doppler. This is one of the latest pictures we have

I am keeping myself very sane with this pregnancy through lots of praying. 

And limiting what I read and from what sources. I read the information in the emails that I receive weekly that tracks his growth, but I stay off of all of those boards that have people discussing their problems with each other. I found those to be highly anxiety provoking in the past and not truly medical in the knowledge, so for me, I stay away from them. I do have two books that I turn to weekly for updates and then if I need some reassurance or if I have a question about anything. They are pictured below

Praying Through Your Pregnancy and Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy. My life lines. And there is my trusted little buddy there with me. Maybelline has been wonderful through all of this. From the day I came home from my transfer, she has stopped jumping on me. She doesn't pull me when I'm walking her and she will lay her head on my stomach when we are resting together. She has been so protective of me. It's so cute to see her little momma instincts come out

I feel like Kip deserves a huge shout out because he has been my rock. I couldn't have done this without him. He comforts me, he keeps me sane, he cleans, he does anything I need him to, he has been a perfect gentleman and he thanks me daily for carrying our baby and he tells me I'm handling it like a champ- even though I don't feel like I am. He has heard the most disgusting noises come out of me (I am the worst vomiter EVER) and he has truly seen me at my worst and he still loves me. He has been a saint and I love him so much. Thank you, my sweet sweet Kipper for being you and for being awesome

I'm not sure how much I will continue to update. I wish I had a better answer than that, but right now, I don't. Girls, if you are reading this and you are going through your own infertility battle, don't give up. PRAY. And give it to God. Don't just say you are, you have to actually do it. I prayed daily for His plan, His timing and understanding of His plan and timing. You can do this. And in the mean time, enjoy your husband. Don't let this journey come between you, because it can and it will. Be strong together and be weak together, just be together. You will get through it!

August 1, 2016 at 10:10am. I am walking through the hospital and my phone rings. And my heart stops, and then it begins to race. The phone that we have been waiting for was happening. Y'all, Dr. Y had to repeat himself I don't know how many times with this sentence right here: "We have 2 healthy ones, this is good news!" TWO!!!!!!!! NOT ONE, NOT ZERO, BUT TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I immediately had to go find Kip in the hospital and tell him in person. And let me tell you, I'm not sure I have ever received a tighter hug in my life than what my husband gave me today

This is a day we will not forget

This day, feel like we are floating on cloud 9. This day doesn't feel real! The news doesn't feel real! BUT IT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!! So from here, I will have an ultrasound on Monday to check the blood flow to my uterus and to make sure the medications I am taking are doing their job and whether or not they need to be tweaked. From there, another ultrasound about a week later to determine when our transfer date will be. I haven't decided yet how much I will blog during that time. I have put everything out here in the open but I'm not sure what I will do in the following weeks to months. I will keep y'all posted on whether or not I take a little break

Now, these meds. Or should I say, this estrogen. OMG. I feel like I'm already pregnant. The last 2 nights I have just.cried. Out of nowhere! And I'm not talking about a few tears, I'm talking about constant tears streaming and not stopping. I have started to feel sick on my stomach at night and as of today, in the morning too. Like, I couldn't even drink coffee this morning. BUT it is ALL OKAY. It is all SO much easier when you know you are doing it for a good reason. We are not done with this journey yet. I still can't help but to be nervous that something else could happen. What if this isn't the only problem that has kept us from having a baby and we just don't know it yet?? But I am trying SO HARD to NOT think about it like that. Y'all, I might sound like a broken record, but I TRULY feel like it is all of your prayers that has kept us going and now given us the chance to have sweet babies of our own. I still haven't ruled out adoption down the road, but we will save that for another post some other time. I just want to say THANK YOU. Thank you to ALL of you and for everything everyone has done for us through these last 3 years. WE DID IT!!!!!!! But seriously, Kip and I are so beyond blessed to have you all in our lives and I wish we could do something for each and every one of you who have stuck by us through this all

By the way, here is the message that was on instagram today. So true!

Well, Friday has come and gone and no call from the lab. They didn't receive our samples until Wednesday so hopefully Monday we will hear some news. And I think I'm excited? That leads me to this post.......My nurse, Lori (who, by the way, is SO sweet. She just looks like she would be an IVF/baby nurse. Don't ask me why, she just does) ....sorry I majorly digressed. Lori informed me that it was time to start taking the next round of meds. Eeeekkkk!!!!! They highly encouraged it at the doctors office because they are confident we will have a healthy one to transfer.....

I debated quite a bit on this one on Friday. Do I get on board with them and be confident and start taking the meds before we know if this is "a-go" or do I put it off for another month and wait to see what the results are. I was mostly thinking about emotions and the possibility of making a difficult thing even harder. But you also have to consider the financial side of this stuff. When Kip got home that evening, we discussed it and in his words, we decided to "just go for it! Let's just try something different." Ultimately, he wanted to make sure that I was okay putting my body through something else, but I was sort of happy to hear him say that he was on board because I wanted to be on board. I was just scared to be. It is so scary to take a big leap and be so confident feeling, when I'm so scared to put my wall down and get excited about the potential of actually having our baby. We are all feeling pretty good about this but that is SO scary! I have felt good about a pregnancy in the past... and it didn't turn out with a good ending. And that has happened more than once. That makes it REALLY HARD to trust that "good feeling."

And then, yesterday morning, I woke up and read this......

Well, there we have it. So, this morning, I woke up and ate some cereal, . You and a brownie too, but I can justify. You see, multiple of the medications said to eat with food and since I don't really like breakfast food (I know, shun me now) I figured I better put a little extra something on my stomach and not eat just cereal. I took 4 pills this morning and administered an estrogen patch to my love handle for the next 3 days. And then I will put another one on my other love handle and so on until they tell me to stop. Or until we receive the opposite news that we want to hear. Not only do I have an estrogen patch on, I'm also taking an estrogen pill. And a baby aspirin. And 2 others that are not part of the normal regimen, because, why would I do anything normal!? I can't remember if I told y'all or not, but during one of my ultrasounds Dr. Yalcinkaya found that I have unideal blood flow to my uterus. Therefore, I'm also taking vitamin E and trental which should correct the problem. SO, here is where I put out my prophylactic "I'm sorry." I have NO idea what I will be like with all of this estrogen floating around in my body. I pray I don't turn into a monster. I'm going to try REALLY hard to not be one

Maybelline is OVER me sitting on the sofa and typing this out. She is doing her version of a tantrum and wanting me to come outside with her. Keep checking back for an update on hopefully some really exciting news!!!!

I think y'all are going to end up losing faith in me and my posting; but please don't! The last few weeks have gone by like whirlwinds and I have been SO tired from my shots that I just didn't have it in me at night to sit down and blog. Please forgive me! Let me catch you up on our last few weeks....

Kip started his fellowship! Yay! Exciting times, I think. Just kidding. He is A LOT busier though than what I got used to over the last year. But that is totally fine, he is loving what he is doing and that is what is most important!

Three weeks ago, today, Maybelline was playing in the backyard by herself. I had been back there all afternoon with her and when Kip got home, we tried to enjoy some patio time but the mosquitos were awful [despite Kip spraying the yard, citronella candles burning and bug spray on] Needless to say, we went inside. About 20 minutes later, Maybelline comes in and has this big red bump on her back paw. It looked like she had been bit by something

To make a long story short, this is what happened in the next 12 hours.......

And then I cried. And so did she. We went to the vet and he was clueless as to what it could be. For 2 weeks this girl has been a cone head {btw, we ended up getting one that was the correct size for her, the vet quickly informed me we bought one too small} 

Wednesday evening (2 days after the foot incident), I get a text from Kip "Maybelline and I got stung by something in the backyard" and a picture of his arm that was SO swollen. So I raced home. Turned out they were stung by yellow jackets. Everyone got benedryl and a goooood night sleep. Let me tell you though, a dog with a cone on their head makes for a difficult sleeping partner. We have finally graduated from the cone and have now been told that it is a benign tumor on her foot and it will go away on its own

Saturday, I had an ultrasound and blood work. When I left, I called Kip to see what he wanted for lunch. I should have known. Whole Foods pizza. So I went and decided to make myself a salad. I made a huge salad that I was really excited about, until I reached the salad dressings. Normally, I go with a healthier dressing; but not there. I LOVE their ranch dressing. Guess what. NO RANCH. My eyes begin to develop some pretty major tears. I cut it off. I went to the pizza counter, "excuse me, do y'all have any ranch in the back?" "I don't think so, but I'll check........... no, we are out" again, tears are coming. I walk over to the produce department and was going to buy a jar of ranch. NO RANCH!!!!!!!!!!! THE ENTIRE STORE WAS OUT OF RANCH DRESSING. Tears, they were coming...."get a hold of yourself, you are in a grocery store and it is ranch dressing, DO NOT CRY" .....my poor husband. He deserves a trophy for the last few weeks. Every time my emotions got the best of me, I would apologize and tell him it was just the meds (even if the trigger of my emotions didn't concern him, I felt the need to apologize) and his reply was always "it's okay my Madi-loves, thank you for what you are doing for us" I'm telling you, not sure what I did to deserve him :) 

Monday, egg retrieval day FINALLY!!! I felt like I had bowling balls rolling around in my uterus. They were able to retrieve 13 eggs, fertilized 8 mature ones  and then called daily to update us on their progress. On Saturday, we learned that a total of 7 biopsies were taken. We had 6 embryos biopsied and 1 that didn't hatch but they still biopsied. Tomorrow, our little samples will reach the lab and I'm guessing we should know something hopefully by Friday! 

Now, the coolest part. During my retrieval, Kip sat at this huge glass window at the lab and someone inside would hold up a finger count for him of how many eggs they were getting. And then, he got to watch them fertilize them!

I am just amazed, even after already going through this twice before at what technology can do. And how smart are these doctors and embryologists!? 

So, I was pretty much been even keel through the stimulation as far as my expectations and what not. I didn't really think about it much, really. But this past week, and especially the last few days, I have found myself getting these little bursts of excitement. And then, I tell myself to bring it down a few notches and I am trying to just remain cautiously optimistic. Tonight, I had a whole roller coaster of emotions hit me at once. I felt peace, anxiety, fear, excitement, wonder, praise, begging, and calmness all within about 1 minute. I want to trust my feeling. I want to trust that this is it! On instagram, I follow @trustgodbro and the last few days, I REALLY feel like He has been sending messages straight to me. I can't get the pictures to work to show you, so I will tell you....  "Pray.Trust.Wait" okay, doing that! Next one...."Your miracle is closer than you think. Keep trusting God." trusting! And last..... "Heavenly Father, let my prayers be in line with your glorious plan for my life" Not gonna lie, feeling pretty good about this over here. Tonight in my prayers, I prayed for strength (well, I pray for that everyday) but I prayed to be able to handle whatever the news may be if it is not good again. As much as I would like to say I wouldn't feel crushed, because we are sort of used to this now, I'm pretty sure I will feel somewhat crushed

So! please, continue praying for us. I've said it before but I will say it again, we feel them! That is the ONLY way that I know I am getting through these past few years. Because I know that I alone don't have the strength to be as strong as I have been without all your prayers. I walk through the hospital and people tell me they have read my blog and they are praying for us and so are their spouses or I talk to friends and they are praying for us, as well as their family member's bible study, I get Facebook messages and comments "praying for y'all" and y'all, it brings tears to my eyes to know all of the people who are rooting for us. THANK YOU! 

Stay tuned, hopefully I will be reporting some HAPPY news at the end of the week :)

IVF round 3, officially started! Injection #1, done! But I'll get to that.... first, I have to tell y'all about the weekend. We went to the beach for one last long weekend ;...( Kip has started his fellowship and so we are done with traveling for the summer. The beach was great! The whole family was there, including the dogs of course. Maybelline LOVES water and was so stinking cute in the ocean. Not only did she jump the waves this time, but she even swam for the first time! I wish I had a video of it but I left my phone on the bedside table ALL WEEKEND, and that my friends, was fabulous :)

Look at this beach babe!  

Now, as wonderful as our trip was.... let me tell you what was not wonderful. Meltdowns. From the kids you ask? NOPE! From me! LITERALLY OUT OF NOWHERE. I have noticed that my anxiety has been a little worse the last week or so and on Sunday, I felt like I was exploding. We got caught in the rain on the beach late Sunday afternoon and from there, I spiraled. From there, a situation a few situations that should not have been stressful at all, brought on full on crying spells for this girl. My lovely monthly visitor showed up that day as well and I don't know if it was all of the hormones or what, but I found myself in tears and even yelling at my poor sweet Maybelline in very unneeded ways. Looking back, not one thing warranted tears. But I dare you to have told me that on Sunday! The worst part? Acting like that in front of people (okay, family, but still!) When you are acting irrational it is bad enough; when you are acting irrational in front of people...awful! Everyone said they understood and they didn't care, but it is still SO EMBARRASSING! Anyways, we moved on past my tears and our fun weekend came to an end. We left super early Monday morning to get back home and get all of our weekly chores done and would still have time to relax before our work week started back up. Except, we got home to no power. No power means no chores [eyes rolling] Finally around 3pm, the lights came back on, we got our chores done and even had a mini cookout to celebrate July 4th! Needless to say, we were exhausted last night and Kip did a little sleep stalking of Maybelline and me.....

I mean, this girl can snuggle

Okay, so today.... baseline blood work and ultra-sound done....we are working with 16 follicles this time. Tonight we started taking the doxycycline [YUCK! my acid reflux is NOT A FAN of that med] and I started my injection....that's right people, no typo there.... only ONE injection!! And if that wasn't the bomb-dot-com..... it didn't even burn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got to mix both the menopur and gonal-f 

into ONE syringe and therefore only had ONE injection

I mean, HELLLLLLOOOOOOO....WHY DID I NOT GET TO DO THIS LAST TIME!!!???? That menopur burned like the DEVIL last time, and tonight, NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

And here is where I will pic overload of the ONE injection....

Sorry for the close up, hope nobody was grossed out. Also, please ignore my major need for a manicure, the hospital can be devastating to polish and quickly. Anyways, if you could please pray for low side effects, and by side effects, I mean my emotional state. I pray I can control my emotions over the next few weeks. And please, say a prayer for Kip too. Bless his heart. I pray that he can continue to be patient with me (and especially if I can't control my emotions) It is a stressful time for him with starting his fellowship and I don't want to add anything to that!

And now, I'm going to leave y'all with a mental picture because I wasn't able to get an actual one. This morning on my way to work, Kip was behind me with Maybelline (she was going to daycare) I looked in my rear view mirror at the stoplight and what I saw made my heart so happy. In my mirror, I saw my wonderful husband and this precious, sweet little head with these perky little ears sitting next to him, so excited to be going for a ride in the car. I literally can't stop smiling just writing this. I hope the image in your head is as cute as the one in mine

I'm having a difficult time figuring out how to start this post {FYI- I could dominate a paper in college, as long as I could figure out where to start....sorry, I digress} Instead of trying to figure out my "hook-line-and-sinker" starter sentence, I am just going to dive right in.....

Monday: I went to my new doctor's office to meet with my nurse, Lori, who taught me how to administer my meds. Interestingly enough, so far, I am not on one single medication that is different, only different methods of delivery. To start off, my Lupron is a nasal spray. That is one less injection!! Well, THEN I find out, my Menopur and Gonal-F can be drawn up into the SAME SYRINGE which means only ONE INJECTION!!! People!?!?!?! Do you read what I am saying here.... from 3 injections....to 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Insert happy dance emoji girl in the red dress!!!! I have already started the nasal spray and the rest of my meds will begin on July 5
**for those of you interested, we are now going to Carolina's Fertility Institute and seeing Dr. Yalcinkaya**

The past 2 rounds of IVF, I have been pretty even-keel. I have heard about the mood swings and the "feeling/acting" crazy with all the meds.... but never really felt that way. I prayed SUPER HARD the first time to not experience those side effects, and it worked!! The second time around, I think I was just in a daze the whole time. We went straight into it after losing our 4th pregnancy and we had all the workers in our house for the bathroom and the holiday season was approaching...and I just did it. I didn't think about, really at all. I teared up each night with my injections, unlike the first time, but I gave myself a break that time and decided it was just hormones going crazy between pregnancy loss and IVF immediately. Well, this time.......... TOTALLY DIFFERENT so far......

Let me go ahead and throw out a prophylactic apology to everyone involved in my life. On Friday, I was watching The Tonight Show (btw, on here, it will just be called Jimmy Fallon) that I had recorded. Y'all, I literally laugh out loud while watching his show. No matter if I am alone or not, I laugh. Well, this particular episode, Kip had already watched. We were in the den, I watching my show and he, reading something....when I began to laugh at something on the show. What? you may ask..... I have NO IDEA anymore, because what happened next shocked me so badly I think I just forgot all other details.... so I was laughing so hard, I had tears in my eyes, and then, all of a sudden...I am CRYING. And I'm not talking about silent tears streaming.... I mean FULL ON BOO-HOO!!! I just kept saying "I don't know what is wrong with me!" and Kip just said ....."are you okay?" with a VERY concerning look on his face. Well, y'all, tonight.... having a great time just hanging out and cooking, we went from laughing, to me CRYING. TEARS STREAMING DOWN MY FACE while I am cutting up broccoli. AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHY!!!!!!!! I was almost over-stimulated my first IVF round and NEVER felt like this before. It's like all of a sudden today, the side effects started. I got some INTENSE hot flashes at work today and now this crying business!!!! Every morning I have prayed. I have prayed for strength; emotionally, physically and mentally to get through this stimulation cycle. I have prayed for His plan and continuing to believe in His plan. I might need y'all to join me in that specific prayer. I would like to keep my job (and husband!) through this 3rd round

This picture showed up on my Instagram newsfeed at the absolute right time. It's not a coincidence in my eyes

Basically what I am trying to say is, if we are around each other or talk to each other over the next month, and I sound weird, or not myself or start to cry... PLEASE don't take it personal. It's just my hormones :)

Okay...so now I am going to 100% switch topics and discuss my sweet sweet girl. My Maybelline. My angel on Earth as I tell her all the time. Y'all this girl has prepared me more than I EVER knew for motherhood. Let me just number off the reasons why......
1. unconditional love that I never knew before
2. up every 1-2 or 2-3 hours (at first) to go potty.... and then going to work the next morning. I'm basically relating this to a feeding schedule of an infant. However, with an infant, at least you get maternity leave... with a puppy, you have a life changing experience over the weekend and then return to work on Monday
3. I am HARD HEADED and STUBBORN, and I thought that my being that way could (and would) out-weigh any little one's way of being the same way....WRONG. We have caved on things that I said would NEVER happen with a dog. Makes me legit scared of what we will cave on when a baby arrives
4. Kip and I made a pact, no matter what is said in the middle of the night, it doesn't count! Resentment can grow large and in charge if you start keeping tabs of who does what and when
ie: Kip had been on call the night before, but got to come home mid-day for the rest of the day, and off that next day....I had worked the day before, slept that night and then worked again... and had to return to work the next day. Well, when Maybelline needed to go potty in the middle of the night, and he didn't move, and I got up to let her out ONE HOUR before my alarm went off...I wasn't exactly nice about it. So the next morning, we made our pact.....
5. When our girl is sick, I can't handle it. We got her spayed at the beginning of June. Only 3 hours post-op, I brought her home. The nurse in me was going CRAZY! Where is my IV to give her pain meds because she can't take them by mouth!? I see her respiration rate is up, but she won't eat and the vet said no pain meds on an empty stomach. BUT SHE NEEDS THEM!!!!! She would' lay on the heating pad, she wouldn't snuggle (usually she hard core snuggles) and worst of all, she needed intervention but WOULDN'T ALLOW ME TO HELP!!!!! Finally, 3 hours later, I was able to get her to eat some treats with her pain meds hidden in them and she FINALLY rested for the night
6....a continuation of 5..... on Friday, Maybelline played with her cousin dog, on Saturday she went to doggie-daycare, Sunday, when she was a little more sleepier acting than usual, I didn't think anything of it. Monday, she was WAAAAY too sleepy acting still. I kept telling Kip that she wasn't acting normal and something was wrong [and here is where being an ICU nurse will haunt me with children] This morning, my alarm rang, she didn't move. I offered her to go eat, she didn't move. I went into the kitchen to make my coffee and I heard the most grotesque sound coming from our bedroom. Poor girl was throwing up, all over our bed. That momma instinct kicked in and immediately I exclaimed "I will just call out of work or go in late today, this girl needs to go to the vet!" Well, she seemed a little better by the time I was leaving for work (other than not eating her breakfast, which is NOT like her, girl likes to EAT) Through the day, I texted Kip, she wasn't seeming any better and he was sending me the MOST PITIFUL pictures of our girl ..... well, 12 hours later. She is BACK TO NORMAL. Eating, playing, getting into mischief

Seriously, y'all. Could your doggie momma heart take getting these 

pitiful pictures of your sweet, energetic girl while you were at work!?

Basically, Kip will have to take our children to the doctor. I never one time thought of myself as the possible "helicopter" parent, but I think I will go ahead and take back those thoughts. Lord bless our future children

I'm back!!! and I severely apologize for the neglect. If you follow me on instagram you already know, if not, then let me explain. Four months ago we adopted THE most PRECIOUS little girl into our lives. Everyone, meet #maybellinebyrum (and get ready for a ridiculous amount of cuteness and picture overload)

I mean..... I just can't even tell you the flutters my heart makes looking back at those baby pictures! Y'all, this girl has been THE BIGGEST blessing to us. If you are dealing with infertility or miscarriage or infant loss, and you don't have a dog....GET ONE (and I mean like yesterday!)

Let me start from the beginning. My friend's dog had a surprise litter of puppies and I knew right away, one of those would be MINE! oops... OURS! (Kip still wasn't quite on board of getting a dog yet, even though I've begged for years) The day I went to meet this sweet girl, I also got the phone call from our embryologist that once again, we had sick babies. What happened next, shocked me. My heart felt heavy and I mourned..... not getting to bring Maybelline home with me that day. Weird, right? I know it seems that way, but she was going to be my baby. She was the one I was meant to hold and nurture and love at that time (and lets be real, now too, this girl is SPOILED) Bottom line.... even though my arms would still be empty as far as a human baby was concerned, they would be completely filled by our new fur baby. When I got home, I showed Kip the pictures and guess who suddenly changed his mind about having a dog. And MY GOODNESS, DON'T EVEN get me started once he got to see her for the first time. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT!!! <3 <3 <3 My MIL always warned me that if we got a dog, I would be second in his life from there on out. And she wasn't kidding!!  After that, we went out and bought EVERYTHING she could possibly need. And we came home, and set it all up, and stared at it. We still couldn't get her for another week. It was TORTURE to look at all this stuff without that sweet girl being in the picture too.

Finally, we got to bring Maybelline home. OMG. Even though I grew up with dogs (and so did he) I had NOOOOOOO IDEA what it would be like caring for an 8 week old puppy on our own. Lets just say, I think we are now fully prepared for nights with a baby.... which is what I know y'all are all sitting on the edge of your seat waiting for.... an update on our #thejourneytobabyb. I'm getting there. Sorry, it's been a while and I am feeling a little long winded on my fur baby still. I've been telling Kip that I feel like I don't know how to be a dog mom. I treat this girl as if she was a human child without even meaning too. I will say though, Kip caved night 3 of having her and took her out of her crate and put her in our bed. At 8 lbs, sleeping in between us, it was lovely. Now, at 6 months old, 41 lbs (and still growing) she is still in our bed and this girl can SNUGGLE. And when you have a husband that sleep stalks you, you get pictures like this....

This one was at the beach a few weeks ago. This girl LOVES the beach

Okay, now back to the baby part. For the first few months of having this sweet girl, a baby was THE LAST thing on either of our minds. And then, one night, suddenly when I was taking a shower and washing my stomach, it hit me. There hadn't been a baby in there in months, and I missed it. I told Kip that the momma urge was coming through again and I was ready to start thinking about what we were going to do next. As I have said before, I'm stubborn and hard-headed. Sometimes to my advantage and sometimes not. You can decide on your own what you will categorize this one under. I felt like I just needed one more professional opinion. Even though I had been praying for a sign and on our way to see Maybelline, there were literally billboards for foster care and adoption. Got it! I prayed for a sign and You LITERALLY gave me some. But, it wasn't that easy. My heart needed to catch up with my mind. I knew my brain and my heart wouldn't match up though, until we had a consult with the new doctor. This doctor is the one my OB/GYN wanted me to see from the start (again, being hard headed, I had to see the doctor I wanted to see first) so I made an appointment. Honestly, we went into the appointment wanting to talk to him about donor embryos. I know God is tugging at my heartstrings for adoption, but I want to be pregnant and deliver our baby...so this would be a perfect compromise, right!? WRONG! After talking to this doctor for almost 2 hours, we walked out having decided to try one more round of IVF. He felt very confident that he could get us that baby. He has consulted world renowned embryologist and molecular biologist. NOBODY can find ANYTHING that would be causing these problems

So here we are. On Friday, I will begin Lupron. But guess what!? He prescribed me a nose spray!!! That means ONE LESS INJECTION!!! {insert happy dance} If this round doesn't work, then adoption it will be! If I don't think too hard about it, I get excited. If I let my mind do it's normal thing and over think, I get a mix of emotions. Y'all, the 4 things that bother me the most about not having our own biological children are as follows 1) what would their personalities be like? 2) what would he/she grow up to be? 3) would there be blonde curls!? 4) blue eyes, yes or no? Okay, maybe the last 2 are sort of shallow, but I can't help it. As I have said before, if adoption ends up being the route we we take, none of those things will matter anymore when we have that baby in our arms. That baby won't be "that baby" anymore; he/she will be OUR baby, that will be loved more than life itself

Whew! That was a LONG post! and believe it or not, this is the toned down version! I could have said so much more! I guess I shouldn't go so long without posting again. Check back because I will be updating you all frequently. And, before I end this, I want to say thank you. Thank you to all of you who pray for us and long for baby b as much as we do! I swear we feel those prayers wrapped around us and giving us strength