I hope everyone had a happy new year! We did exactly what I wanted to do...nothing! Kip has been a little under the weather, I've been working like crazy and wanted to start 2016 off well rested. Mission accomplished. It wasn't even 9pm and we were in bed. Yesterday, we hung around the house. We got to be lazy and we started a new project. The bathroom is STILL not done. We are close. Waiting on the glass for the shower and there are touch-ups that need to be completed, then I will share some pictures

In other news, this upcoming week is the week. Our embryo biopsies should be sent off Monday. From there, we should know chromosome results in 2-3 days. In my last update, only 1 embryo had been biopsied; we now have 2 (compared to 6 last time) but it only takes ONE. I can feel myself shutting down. It's been easy to distract myself and keep busy through the holidays. I love knowing that we have 2 frozen embryos right now that are healthy as of right now. I can ride by the building and wave and tell them hello and give them a pep talk. But once the lab has those samples, it's a whole new ballgame. I think I'm so anxious for 2 reasons...1) bad experience the first go-round 2) as of right now, I don't plan on trying IVF anymore if we don't get good news again. That makes it more anxiety producing I think. I think it might be to the equivalent of a mom knowing her baby is her last baby. No more after that one. I think there's a grieving process there. It's so scary to know that this could be it. Even though the doctors all say we should keep going and trying even if we get bad news again. How many times do you do this to your body? When I think about the numbers, it blows my mind....we have now been on this journey for 2 1/2 years, I've been pregnant 4 times,  we have had a total of 10 unhealthy babes (counting natural pregnancies and the 6 embryos tested last time through IVF), in 2015 alone, I was pregnant twice and went through IVF twice. Wow! And I wonder why my body has changed so much.....

I know I don't need to be anxious, but I can't help it. I was sitting here making a grocery list for the upcoming week and this awful feeling came over me. I thought to myself "Wednesday or Thursday need to be easy meals, if the results are bad, you need to be able to cook something easy since you'll be so sad) and then, I worry about getting that phone call while at work. Although, bad news is always delivered around 5pm. I think they make us the last ones on the list to call that day. I'm trying so hard to not let this stuff get to me. I'm trying to not let my mind wander. I'm trying to worship, not worry. I'm trying to keep positive thoughts. But I'm scared. I wish I could just crawl in a hole for the next few days. No socializing needed, no critical thinking needed, no need to put on a fake happy face. But I can't. Life has to go on. So, friends, I'm going to ask for your help. I'm going to need your prayers. I need you to pray for calm nerves, for strength, for good news, for understanding of His plan