Man, oh man, have I got a lot to update on! First off, I will say that our food challenge is going well! The hardest part so far has been needing some caffeine in the afternoon at work and being pretty limited to black coffee instead of my trusty ole Coke Zero or Diet Dr Pepper. But, on the other hand, I feel like I have more energy not eating food that makes me sluggish. We are both snacking more, but I don't think it's affecting us negatively because our snacks are healthy and our portions (for meals and snacks) seem to be smaller. Kip is getting used to the change. He did get a "cheat night" because his big test is TODAY. He wanted pizza and I agreed because I wanted him to be as relaxed as possible going into it this morning. Yesterday, he studied in the morning and then we just hung out and the rest of the day. Giving his brain a little "break" before it had to think for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours today. Before he got home yesterday, I was thinking about our afternoon together and got as giddy as a school girl. We have the best time together. Even if we are just sitting on the sofa, we laugh with each other and at each other, we entertain each other so much (mostly me, telling him stories about  things that have happened to me either in the past or that day, I'm one of those that attracts crazies) When he did get home, all that I had built up in my head was right on... we had the best time. Just the 2 of us. I love that man so much

Reading up one last time this morning before the big test

Okay, so....... I got stung a few times this week. Not by bees or any other insect for that matter. But stung with sadness. It is amazing how quickly the feelings from miscarriage can just come back and sting sooo badly. One of my sweet, dear friends had a miscarriage on Monday. When she texted me while I was at work; my whole body stung with pain for her and her husband. You see, we have a special bond because we both want kids more than anything, and it is the one thing that our husbands want so badly to be able to give us, but just haven't been able to yet. YET. Keyword. We WILL get our babies. Sooner or later and one way or the other. We met when our husbands started residency together. They got married a few months before us, but right before their wedding he was diagnosed with cancer. Luckily, they were able to do some "banking" and once he was cleared from treatment and the time seemed right, they started on their journey to a baby. And that was 2 years ago. We were going to start IVF about the same time (she was 1 month behind me) and RIGHT before they started, she wasn't feeling well. She took a pregnancy test and her eggo was preggo!! MIRACLE BABY! They had to have serial ultrasounds unfortunately (I say that because it can cause sooo much more anxiety) but last weekend when we went to dinner, they had a happy report for us. Baby was measuring correctly and the heartbeat was 173! Monday they went to her normal OB (you stay with the reproductive doc until you're 8 weeks, even though she didn't do IVF, Dr. J was still following her) and sadly, there was no heartbeat. I cannot even explain the pain that brings. When you go from seeing that flicker on the screen and hearing that precious beating heart, to nothing. It is the most gut-wrenching, heart stabbing, world stopping feeling. As we texted the rest of that day and the next morning, leading up to her d&c, I tried to just be there for her and then warn her of what to expect with the procedure. The memories from my own are still so recent, I almost felt like I was preparing myself for another one. Seriously, nobody should have to go through that. She has been blogging about her experience and reading it takes me back. It makes my heart hurt. For them, and for us, and for anyone else going through any of these difficult things to have their own little nugget

Miscarriage, infertility, infant loss; they all take something from you. A little piece of yourself that you feel like you will never get back. There is a picture that used to be my favorite picture of us. After our last loss, I couldn't even look at it without crying. It was from our beach trip when we got engaged. It was before we knew the hardship that we were going to be facing. It captured PURE JOY. And I couldn't look at it because I felt like I would never be able to feel that happy again. I would get mad when I would look at it sometimes. I would be mad that I felt like I was robbed of happiness I deserved. I was mad because we didn't even get to enjoy our marriage hardly before we were faced with losing our first pregnancy (remember, it was a surprise, about a month and a half after we were married) I am happy to say though, even though we have been through so much sadness, I can now look at that picture and be happy again. I feel happy again. Even though this road to a baby has been WAAAAAAAAAAY more difficult than either of us EVER imagined, and WAAAAAAAAAY different than I ever imagined it being and of course WAAAAAAAAAY different than any experience any of our friends have had (I'm talking chromosome problems here) but even with all of that, I'm happy. I'm happy with my husband who I love so much it's silly. I'm happy with my friends who have been beyond supportive and sweet. I'm happy with our families and how lucky we are that our families have a good time together. I know we will have a baby. And it won't be long. I just feel it. I don't know how that baby is going to come into our lives, but he or she will be here soon. That baby will be here and will join us on the sofa, laughing, enjoying our time together as a family, enjoying our families getting together and whether he or she likes it, will enjoy LOTS AND LOTS of kisses and snuggles because we have A LOT stored up while we have been waiting on that baby

I feel like I am leaving something out that I wanted to write about today. I am having to hurry to write this post because my computer has been acting up and I don't want to lose everything I've written so far! I wish I could show y'all the picture I'm talking about. But, I don't know how to use our scanner and so I can't! 

Hope y'all have a good weekend!