People, I could do a happy dance right now. We have FINALLY found a contractor, gotten a quote, FINALLY FINALIZED our tile (that was rough) and now, all we have to do it wait until we return from vacation to GET THIS PARTY STARTED!! WAHOOOOOO!!!!!! I am definitely excited to see the finished product, but I am most excited that we will be marking something else off our long list of things we need to do for our house. I spent 4 hours yesterday (at the store) and a few hours earlier in the day making sure that the tile that we picked was definitely the one. And then, you have to find the right grout. I am soooooo visual it is ridiculous. Not even kidding, I was on the floor, with a few packs of tile, and square color samples of grout trying to line them up the way they would look on the floor and trying to choose which ones I liked best. My poor Kip. He just watched his crazy wife and fetched more tile or color samples upon request. The decorator that has helped us pull it all together would walk onto the aisle, laugh, give me more things that needed decisions made on and walk away. After 3 1/2 hours of being there, I asked her if she could see the smoke coming out of my ears from my brain working so hard and I told her I could feel my hair getting bigger as the afternoon progressed. I then asked her if I was her worst/craziest client. She laughed, and said no "but definitely my most detail oriented" As frustrating and exhausting of a process that was, I still loved it. I think decorating and design are so much fun. I love mixing textures, colors and prints. I can't wait to show y'all some before and after pictures once everything is COMPLETED!!!

You know, people say "time heals" but I don't know if I believe that or not. Yes, as time goes on, you may not feel that constant pain in your heart; but for me, it makes me sad when more time goes by and the outcome is still the same. When time flies and you realize that nothing about your situation is different. Yesterday, I saw the prettiest little girl. Her features were perfect. She was wearing a pearl necklace (a southern girl's dream is to have a set of pearls) and the longest, prettiest, blond curly hair that I have ever seen on a child. {total envy of her hair, I was going to tell her I wanted to make extensions out of it if she ever cut it, but I figured that sort of thing would probably scare a 4 year old to death) After she walked away, I cried a little. I get tearful typing about it now. I know that looks aren't everything, but I can't help but to mourn the possibility that we may never get to see what our little babes might look like. Since I was young, I have always pictured my own little beach babe, with a seersucker bathing suit, tan little body and blond curly hair playing on the beach. It is so strange sometimes the images that we have in mind. [or maybe I am strange to be that detailed with it] I have always dreamed of a child, a daughter in particular, with long blond curly hair. My mother in law said one time to Kip and I once we were engaged that she was so excited she would finally have a grandchild with curls since neither she nor any of her children (or grandchildren) have even a hint of a curl. Isn't it funny how if you have curly hair, you want straight and vice versa. Up until the last few years, I never embraced my curls. I always pulled my hair straight, yet, I always envisioned my own child with curls, even though I didn't utilize my own. Anyways, I dried up the tears because I can't allow those fears and that sadness to take over. The desire in my heart is so strong for children, I know God will fulfill that desire. He wouldn't have put it there if He didn't plan on fulfilling it. So, I just have to continue to ask Him to please reveal His plan to us soon. One of my best friends texted me one day and said she had a dream that they were giving me a baby shower. I asked her if it was for a boy or girl and couldn't help but to feel excited at the thought of it. She said we didn't know the sex, but that when the time comes, she would provide the petit fours from Publix (ha!) Not too many days later, my mom told me she had a dream that I was pregnant and she had never dreamed that before. Before either of those dreams, I had my own that I was pregnant (only dreamed that before when I actually was) but I know that I am not. So, who knows what is to come. My wheels start turning in my head though with this sort of thing. "What do these dreams mean?" "Is this God's way of showing me a glimpse of His plan?" "Should I take another pregnancy test just to make sure I'm really not pregnant?" Again, I have to stop myself. JUST RELAX I tell myself. But seriously, it would be nice to be "that couple" that people tell you about......"I have a friend/co-worker/cousin/sister who couldn't get pregnant and then when they decided to let it go and just do IVF or adopt, she got pregnant!" Honestly, whichever one, I don't care. I am just feeling that longing feeling. Those empty arms. That amount of time that has gone by and still no baby. I feel like I have almost wished the summer away because I was so anxious and ready to get to the beach. Well, now it is here, and as much as I don't want to wish away the beach, I can't help it; because when we get back we will start IVF round 2 and/or our adoption process. That gets me excited. We have a family trip planned to Disney in the spring and I can't help but picture walking around with a stroller (obviously that would be if we went adoption route, no preemies please!) I get it, that would be a SUPER fast timeline of events, but hey, a girl can dream