I feel like I am going to lose it. And soon. Let me just warn you... if you are going to have a renovation done at your house, MOVE OUT and don't be pregnant, or going through IVF or a miscarriage while the reno is being done

Our house is something that I can control. For the most part. I can control the decorating. I can control the cleanliness. I can control who is here and when. But right now, all of that is out of my control. There are men working at all hours of the day. On days off, I have to wake up very early still and shower and get ready, and then sit and enjoy some coffee and catch up on my shows or get things done. I have to do this because I am always told "so and so will there at your house between 8-10." Now, do you think that even ONE DAY that ANYONE has showed up at 8am??? NOPE!!! But, the day that I DON'T take a shower and get ready by 8am, will be the day someone gets here then. Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful that we will have a new, gorgeous bathroom. BUT. This is just poor timing. The fact that we were basically forced into the renovation is aggravating, but the fact that the ONE THING that I could control (our house) is now added to the list of things OUT OF MY CONTROL

Control freak? No. Not really. Depends on what we are talking about. But when you are experiencing infertility, something that is so out of your control, you look for SOMETHING to be able to control. My hormones are trying to stabilize and I am trying so hard to be strong. I have not really grieved our loss very much. Sort of hard when there's strange men in your house 6/7 days a week. I'm trying to be myself as much as possible still. But holding it all in may be coming back to get me. Trying to be strong and happy may be working against me. I feel like my temper has been quick to fire. I don't like being like that. I feel like I could probably cry very easily if the right (or wrong) prompt came about

Sorry for my rant. This dust is just getting to me. The filth. The chaos. Just when our house was coming together, we had to move everything around again. I like for everything to have a home. If it doesn't, I donate it. Right now, everything feels out of place. Hopefully only a few more weeks. I can't wait to show the before and after pictures. They have all been working really hard. It is going to look beautiful. I just need to keep my eye on the prize. I can do this!