Well, Friday has come and gone and no call from the lab. They didn't receive our samples until Wednesday so hopefully Monday we will hear some news. And I think I'm excited? That leads me to this post.......My nurse, Lori (who, by the way, is SO sweet. She just looks like she would be an IVF/baby nurse. Don't ask me why, she just does) ....sorry I majorly digressed. Lori informed me that it was time to start taking the next round of meds. Eeeekkkk!!!!! They highly encouraged it at the doctors office because they are confident we will have a healthy one to transfer.....

I debated quite a bit on this one on Friday. Do I get on board with them and be confident and start taking the meds before we know if this is "a-go" or do I put it off for another month and wait to see what the results are. I was mostly thinking about emotions and the possibility of making a difficult thing even harder. But you also have to consider the financial side of this stuff. When Kip got home that evening, we discussed it and in his words, we decided to "just go for it! Let's just try something different." Ultimately, he wanted to make sure that I was okay putting my body through something else, but I was sort of happy to hear him say that he was on board because I wanted to be on board. I was just scared to be. It is so scary to take a big leap and be so confident feeling, when I'm so scared to put my wall down and get excited about the potential of actually having our baby. We are all feeling pretty good about this but that is SO scary! I have felt good about a pregnancy in the past... and it didn't turn out with a good ending. And that has happened more than once. That makes it REALLY HARD to trust that "good feeling."

And then, yesterday morning, I woke up and read this......

Well, there we have it. So, this morning, I woke up and ate some cereal, . You and a brownie too, but I can justify. You see, multiple of the medications said to eat with food and since I don't really like breakfast food (I know, shun me now) I figured I better put a little extra something on my stomach and not eat just cereal. I took 4 pills this morning and administered an estrogen patch to my love handle for the next 3 days. And then I will put another one on my other love handle and so on until they tell me to stop. Or until we receive the opposite news that we want to hear. Not only do I have an estrogen patch on, I'm also taking an estrogen pill. And a baby aspirin. And 2 others that are not part of the normal regimen, because, why would I do anything normal!? I can't remember if I told y'all or not, but during one of my ultrasounds Dr. Yalcinkaya found that I have unideal blood flow to my uterus. Therefore, I'm also taking vitamin E and trental which should correct the problem. SO, here is where I put out my prophylactic "I'm sorry." I have NO idea what I will be like with all of this estrogen floating around in my body. I pray I don't turn into a monster. I'm going to try REALLY hard to not be one

Maybelline is OVER me sitting on the sofa and typing this out. She is doing her version of a tantrum and wanting me to come outside with her. Keep checking back for an update on hopefully some really exciting news!!!!

I think y'all are going to end up losing faith in me and my posting; but please don't! The last few weeks have gone by like whirlwinds and I have been SO tired from my shots that I just didn't have it in me at night to sit down and blog. Please forgive me! Let me catch you up on our last few weeks....

Kip started his fellowship! Yay! Exciting times, I think. Just kidding. He is A LOT busier though than what I got used to over the last year. But that is totally fine, he is loving what he is doing and that is what is most important!

Three weeks ago, today, Maybelline was playing in the backyard by herself. I had been back there all afternoon with her and when Kip got home, we tried to enjoy some patio time but the mosquitos were awful [despite Kip spraying the yard, citronella candles burning and bug spray on] Needless to say, we went inside. About 20 minutes later, Maybelline comes in and has this big red bump on her back paw. It looked like she had been bit by something

To make a long story short, this is what happened in the next 12 hours.......

And then I cried. And so did she. We went to the vet and he was clueless as to what it could be. For 2 weeks this girl has been a cone head {btw, we ended up getting one that was the correct size for her, the vet quickly informed me we bought one too small} 

Wednesday evening (2 days after the foot incident), I get a text from Kip "Maybelline and I got stung by something in the backyard" and a picture of his arm that was SO swollen. So I raced home. Turned out they were stung by yellow jackets. Everyone got benedryl and a goooood night sleep. Let me tell you though, a dog with a cone on their head makes for a difficult sleeping partner. We have finally graduated from the cone and have now been told that it is a benign tumor on her foot and it will go away on its own

Saturday, I had an ultrasound and blood work. When I left, I called Kip to see what he wanted for lunch. I should have known. Whole Foods pizza. So I went and decided to make myself a salad. I made a huge salad that I was really excited about, until I reached the salad dressings. Normally, I go with a healthier dressing; but not there. I LOVE their ranch dressing. Guess what. NO RANCH. My eyes begin to develop some pretty major tears. I cut it off. I went to the pizza counter, "excuse me, do y'all have any ranch in the back?" "I don't think so, but I'll check........... no, we are out" again, tears are coming. I walk over to the produce department and was going to buy a jar of ranch. NO RANCH!!!!!!!!!!! THE ENTIRE STORE WAS OUT OF RANCH DRESSING. Tears, they were coming...."get a hold of yourself, you are in a grocery store and it is ranch dressing, DO NOT CRY" .....my poor husband. He deserves a trophy for the last few weeks. Every time my emotions got the best of me, I would apologize and tell him it was just the meds (even if the trigger of my emotions didn't concern him, I felt the need to apologize) and his reply was always "it's okay my Madi-loves, thank you for what you are doing for us" I'm telling you, not sure what I did to deserve him :) 

Monday, egg retrieval day FINALLY!!! I felt like I had bowling balls rolling around in my uterus. They were able to retrieve 13 eggs, fertilized 8 mature ones  and then called daily to update us on their progress. On Saturday, we learned that a total of 7 biopsies were taken. We had 6 embryos biopsied and 1 that didn't hatch but they still biopsied. Tomorrow, our little samples will reach the lab and I'm guessing we should know something hopefully by Friday! 

Now, the coolest part. During my retrieval, Kip sat at this huge glass window at the lab and someone inside would hold up a finger count for him of how many eggs they were getting. And then, he got to watch them fertilize them!

I am just amazed, even after already going through this twice before at what technology can do. And how smart are these doctors and embryologists!? 

So, I was pretty much been even keel through the stimulation as far as my expectations and what not. I didn't really think about it much, really. But this past week, and especially the last few days, I have found myself getting these little bursts of excitement. And then, I tell myself to bring it down a few notches and I am trying to just remain cautiously optimistic. Tonight, I had a whole roller coaster of emotions hit me at once. I felt peace, anxiety, fear, excitement, wonder, praise, begging, and calmness all within about 1 minute. I want to trust my feeling. I want to trust that this is it! On instagram, I follow @trustgodbro and the last few days, I REALLY feel like He has been sending messages straight to me. I can't get the pictures to work to show you, so I will tell you....  "Pray.Trust.Wait" okay, doing that! Next one...."Your miracle is closer than you think. Keep trusting God." trusting! And last..... "Heavenly Father, let my prayers be in line with your glorious plan for my life" Not gonna lie, feeling pretty good about this over here. Tonight in my prayers, I prayed for strength (well, I pray for that everyday) but I prayed to be able to handle whatever the news may be if it is not good again. As much as I would like to say I wouldn't feel crushed, because we are sort of used to this now, I'm pretty sure I will feel somewhat crushed

So! please, continue praying for us. I've said it before but I will say it again, we feel them! That is the ONLY way that I know I am getting through these past few years. Because I know that I alone don't have the strength to be as strong as I have been without all your prayers. I walk through the hospital and people tell me they have read my blog and they are praying for us and so are their spouses or I talk to friends and they are praying for us, as well as their family member's bible study, I get Facebook messages and comments "praying for y'all" and y'all, it brings tears to my eyes to know all of the people who are rooting for us. THANK YOU! 

Stay tuned, hopefully I will be reporting some HAPPY news at the end of the week :)

IVF round 3, officially started! Injection #1, done! But I'll get to that.... first, I have to tell y'all about the weekend. We went to the beach for one last long weekend ;...( Kip has started his fellowship and so we are done with traveling for the summer. The beach was great! The whole family was there, including the dogs of course. Maybelline LOVES water and was so stinking cute in the ocean. Not only did she jump the waves this time, but she even swam for the first time! I wish I had a video of it but I left my phone on the bedside table ALL WEEKEND, and that my friends, was fabulous :)

Look at this beach babe!  

Now, as wonderful as our trip was.... let me tell you what was not wonderful. Meltdowns. From the kids you ask? NOPE! From me! LITERALLY OUT OF NOWHERE. I have noticed that my anxiety has been a little worse the last week or so and on Sunday, I felt like I was exploding. We got caught in the rain on the beach late Sunday afternoon and from there, I spiraled. From there, a situation a few situations that should not have been stressful at all, brought on full on crying spells for this girl. My lovely monthly visitor showed up that day as well and I don't know if it was all of the hormones or what, but I found myself in tears and even yelling at my poor sweet Maybelline in very unneeded ways. Looking back, not one thing warranted tears. But I dare you to have told me that on Sunday! The worst part? Acting like that in front of people (okay, family, but still!) When you are acting irrational it is bad enough; when you are acting irrational in front of people...awful! Everyone said they understood and they didn't care, but it is still SO EMBARRASSING! Anyways, we moved on past my tears and our fun weekend came to an end. We left super early Monday morning to get back home and get all of our weekly chores done and would still have time to relax before our work week started back up. Except, we got home to no power. No power means no chores [eyes rolling] Finally around 3pm, the lights came back on, we got our chores done and even had a mini cookout to celebrate July 4th! Needless to say, we were exhausted last night and Kip did a little sleep stalking of Maybelline and me.....

I mean, this girl can snuggle

Okay, so today.... baseline blood work and ultra-sound done....we are working with 16 follicles this time. Tonight we started taking the doxycycline [YUCK! my acid reflux is NOT A FAN of that med] and I started my injection....that's right people, no typo there.... only ONE injection!! And if that wasn't the bomb-dot-com..... it didn't even burn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got to mix both the menopur and gonal-f 

into ONE syringe and therefore only had ONE injection

I mean, HELLLLLLOOOOOOO....WHY DID I NOT GET TO DO THIS LAST TIME!!!???? That menopur burned like the DEVIL last time, and tonight, NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

And here is where I will pic overload of the ONE injection....

Sorry for the close up, hope nobody was grossed out. Also, please ignore my major need for a manicure, the hospital can be devastating to polish and quickly. Anyways, if you could please pray for low side effects, and by side effects, I mean my emotional state. I pray I can control my emotions over the next few weeks. And please, say a prayer for Kip too. Bless his heart. I pray that he can continue to be patient with me (and especially if I can't control my emotions) It is a stressful time for him with starting his fellowship and I don't want to add anything to that!

And now, I'm going to leave y'all with a mental picture because I wasn't able to get an actual one. This morning on my way to work, Kip was behind me with Maybelline (she was going to daycare) I looked in my rear view mirror at the stoplight and what I saw made my heart so happy. In my mirror, I saw my wonderful husband and this precious, sweet little head with these perky little ears sitting next to him, so excited to be going for a ride in the car. I literally can't stop smiling just writing this. I hope the image in your head is as cute as the one in mine