Dr. Shu called on Saturday and Sunday. I'm going to do a little teaching before I tell you what he said. There are 2 groups of cells that make up the embryos currently. One group of them is the embryo and the other group will one day be a placenta. The embryos have to be "expanded" to a certain size to be able to differentiate between which is which. You don't want to go through all of this and then find out that the biopsy was removed from the wrong part! When taking a biopsy, ONE CELL is removed and sent to the genetics lab. So crazy! Thank goodness for steady hands and good vision! Okay, so let me get to the part you probably care more about. The update!
Here is what he reported to us:
-Only 4 embryos were ready to be biopsied on Saturday and the remaining 7 were left alone to grow more until Sunday
-We have 6 total embryos now (we had 11)
-as of today, Monday, July 13, 2015 the biopsies have been sent to Genesis Genetics right outside of Detroit, Michigan
-we should know the results of how many embryos have healthy chromosomes Friday
Wondering what happened to the other 5 embryos? Two of them just didn't expand enough to be able to differentiate the cells clearly enough and 3 did not continue to grow. Out of the 6 that were biopsied, 4 of them are of good quality and 2 are of a little lesser quality
I have mixed emotions on this. I know I need to be happy with our numbers. I think that if we were not having to have the genetic testing (PGD) done, I would be very pleased. Six is a lot of embryos and that would leave us with a good number to implant. BUT. Since we started out with 15 eggs fertilized, and then 11 of those turning into embryos, and then only 6 of them continuing to grow.... the numbers feel like they are closing in on us. What if only ONE of those 6 is healthy!? The obvious and optimistic side of me says "that's great! one baby is better than no baby. be happy with one. one is a blessing and don't be greedy." The glass half empty part of me says "but what if only 1, or 2, or 3 of those are healthy and the rest aren't? what if we implant and it doesn't take, we are down to either 0 or 1 or 2. I want 3 children. I don't want to have to go through this again." Please, don't read this and think I am being an embryo snob. Please, if you have been through this process more than once, don't be angry with me for saying I only want to do this one time. I am just going though the emotions and process of taking all of this in. I guess this is where doing some research would have helped. I thought if I just learn as we go, I could cut down on some of the anxiety of it all. I think I was wrong. I need to remember that it is quality, not quantity. What do I want? A healthy baby of course. I think my biggest fear is just losing a pregnancy again and knowing that we will either have to possibly dwindle down our embryo "stash" quickly and use another one right away or we will have none left and still not have a baby and then either go through IVF again or try naturally again (which could put us in a situation of chromosome accident happening again) I am trying realllllly hard to keep my mind at ease. Dr. Shu feels confident and he is the expert. I need to take that into consideration. I have to say, I am going to miss talking to him this week! I look forward to his phone calls and updates. I almost feel that momma instinct kicking in already and I find myself wondering about our little embryos and how they are doing. This dependence of phone calls and admiration I feel for all of those involved with helping us sort of leads me into the next topic on my mind....
Yesterday at work was a particularly difficult day. As a nurse, I see the loss of life almost on a daily basis (on the days I work that is) As Kip and I are trying to bring life into this world...I watch people have to say goodbye to their loved one that is either an elderly patient who has had the privilege of living a long life; or it is to a younger person who has succumbed to the addiction of substance abuse. Sometimes the deaths are expected due to a long history of battling an illness. Sometimes they are tragic and sudden. Sometimes somebody has been sick for a while and dependent upon the ventilator to breathe for them, IV medications to support their heart rate and blood pressure and dialysis machines to do the work that their kidneys can no longer do. And sometimes, somebody is on all of this life support for less than a day and their families are trying to wrap their head around the fact that just the day before, this person was walking and talking! It is never easy to see life slip away from us. Whether it be a life you never got to meet, a life that has been blessed for many years, or a life that is cut too short and should still have many years left. It is never easy. Yesterday, my patient lost his life and we brought him back too many times to count. Until his family said "no more" after watching us resuscitate him many times. In a 24 hour period, their life had changed drastically. My other patient, has been sick for many years. In and out of the hospital. Currently, a rather long admission. The family decided yesterday, enough is enough. She wouldn't want to be kept alive by machines any more. But, they said "don't make any changes to her care until tomorrow. We just need one more day." At the end of my day yesterday, I had multiple family members thanking me, the doctors, the other nurses and anyone else involved in the care of their loved one for all of our hard work. Thank you to our dedication. Thank you for being able to do this job, because they could never do it. I hear these thank you's and they keep me going. I don't expect them. But they are nice to hear. Even though life may be lost, they are still grateful for our work and admire us for coming in day in and day out to do such hard work. That keeps me going back. I don't think those things that they say about myself. To me, it is what I love to do. I now feel that admiration, that gratefulness, that "thank you for all of your dedication and time" feeling that my patient's and their family members feel. Dr. J and Dr. Shu (and the Genesis lab) are all giving us the chance to bring a healthy life INTO this world. I asked Dr. Shu on Saturday if he ever got to go home. His response "I get to save money on a mortgage by not" and a laugh and then "we work every day of the week here." On the 4th of July, Dr. J and Dr. Shu were the only 2 working in that building that day. No complaints. No bad attitudes. This is what they do. Each time they bring the most unimaginable amount of joy to a couple by giving them a baby, that is (I'm sure) what keeps them going. What makes them ignore the days of the week or the holidays on the calendar. They have dedicated themselves to us and I could not respect them any more or be more grateful for them
Told ya this was going to be a long one! There has been A LOT going through this mind over the last 3 days. Last, but not least, I wanted to give an update on symptoms and how I feel now that I am a week out from taking any medications. I have one word for you. HOT.
Notice my compression socks at my ankles
Hot flashes. Oh my. My co-workers were laughing at me because every chance I got the last 3 days at work, this is what I looked like. I ended up having to tell some of our doctors probably way more than they ever wanted to know about the cause of my hot flashes because they were about ready to stick my veins and draw blood to test my thyroid. Nope! Don't worry guys, its just my estrogen level trying to come down from almost 4000!!! Standard range is 20-375. These hot flashes have also led to me having difficulty sleeping, as has the upset stomach. Last week, things were moving too slowly. This week, things are moving too quickly. I'm still bloated but it has gone down sliiiiightly. I am feeling a little more weepy lately too. It could be my hormones trying to come down, yet the natural process of my body raising them to welcome my monthly visitor. It could be the fear and anxiety of the unknown and waiting to hear about the chromosomes. It could be a mix of everything, plus knowing in the back of my mind that I would be due next month with our 3rd pregnancy. Our little girl. However, I am praying everyday for a calm mind. For Him to give me strength to handle whatever news we may receive Friday. For healthy embryos that continue to grow and that have healthy chromosomes. As always, prayers from you all are excepted and greatly appreciated as well!
I'm not very good with technology, or I would scan a picture from the brochure of what our embryos looked like over the weekend at the time of the biopsies. If you want to learn more about Genesis Genetics and what they do, you can visit their website http://genesisgenetics.org/about-us/
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