Confessions:

-sometimes I cry when I give myself the injections. More like tear up. Not because of the pain, but because of the reality of the situation. The realization that I can get pregnant and yet, still have to inject myself with hormones and our embryos are going to be made in petrie dishes to be able to have a baby. But I repeat my mantra to myself.... it will all be worth it, it will all be worth it, it will all be worth it....

-as my stomach is getting bloated from the shots, and probably the pizza too! (I have not been cooking as much since I have been so tired and I can't drink my wine and enjoy the cooking process like I used to) Getting back on track...As my stomach gets bloated, I find myself getting excited to be pregnant again and sometimes, for a few seconds, I think I am pregnant. Does that sound weird? I just mean that I associate being THAT bloated with pregnancy. So naturally, my brain associates bloating with pregnancy

-with our retrieval date coming up (probably happening on Monday) I get excited. I sometimes forget that it is just the retrieval and not the implantation. Can you tell I'm ready to be pregnant again!?!

-we already have our baby names picked out. When I go for my ultrasounds to check on the follicles and their size, Kip asks me if I saw"blank, blank and blank" in there and tells me to tell them "hello" from him. I think it's pretty cute :)

-no matter how excited I am for someone when they tell me they are pregnant, my heart still sinks a little and I feel a little twinge of jealousy and anger. But by no means does this mean to hide your pregnancies from me people! I still have an overall excited feeling for you!

-on our anniversary, I had a glass of wine with dinner. I'm not supposed to drink during this process, but no embryos were harmed in the process. There were only follicles at that point. I thought it might be a tease and I would want more. But I didn't! Maybe it is the hormones talking, but I really didn't want anymore and my stomach felt kind of yucky the next morning

** Ultrasound from yesterday (July 2, 2015) showed a total of 20 follicles. My estrogen level is increasing as it should be and Dr. J told me everything on my ultrasound looked "gorgeous." I saw chocolate chip cookies on the screen. Really!! Ovaries with that many follicles looks like chocolate chip cookies! I will go for another ultrasound and more blood work tomorrow (July 4, 2015) to determine exactly when the retrieval date will be. It will be either Monday or Tuesday. I will keep you posted! Happy 4th of July weekend everyone!